Wednesday, February 06, 2008
i accidentally punished myself just now .i dropped a box .
a box that contained all your photos , name tags & all your stuff .
the photo of you when you were younger . the one you gave me .
i still have it , i still kept it .
and i read all my old diary entries and it was all about you .
the things you did for me . the things we did together .
there were so many things there .
the necklace . the photos we took together .
i printed them out . & now it's all in there .
and that sucks .
it's just another reminder . tt i've lost you .
why did i have to drop tt box ?
why did i have to believe you when you told me you'd be there ?
because you aren't . & i know you never will .
the memories are still haunting me .
just leave me alone , if you're not coming back .
get out of my head & heart .
yes , i'm a coward .
i big damn effing coward .
i love you & yet i keep it concealed .
i know it's stupid & pathetic .
but it's not as though you'd give a damn .
my temper's getting worst .
i get pissed off easily , lately .
the slightest mention of your name & i'll winced .
& anybody who pisses me off and i'll blast .
i'm sorry if you're the victim . i didn't mean to .
but i'll never show my temper to besties & girlfies . (:
because they're the one who cheers me up .
but , really , i am sorry .
i can't help it .
my day's getting from bad to worst .
i've been really drained lately .
from all the work .
common test week is coming and i feel so drained already .
ms lee says i look sallow .
–adjective
of a sickly , yellowish colour : sallow cheeks ; sallow complexion .
she says my eye bags are really huge .
& yes , i've been up late .
don't ask why .
i've been really sleepy in class .
english lessons are fine . ms lai's lessons aren't boring .
just that i'm really tired .
malay lessons are scary . because it's so quiet .
math lessons are a total bore & i can totally doze off .
because apparently we have so many bloody teachers . urgh !
chem/phy lessons are alright , for now .
because i have daayah beside me for phy . (: thanks girl !
and i have joaquim beside me for chem . who , btw , keeps pushing me off my chair . :D
geog lessons are fine because ms yeo always has interesting stories .
ss/hist lessons are alright . mrs ram is cute . :D
and our class likes to bully her . HAHA .
it's only 11pm now .
& i already feel so bloody tired .
i should probably get some rest now .
goodnight !
PS/ happy chinese new year . gong xi fa cai ! (:
you'll never know how much i miss you .
& you'll never ever know how much i love you .
because you don't care .